I cannot stop saying Alhamdulillah, how grateful I am right now :)
Sekarang, bolehkah saya bilang kalau sy sudah bisa membuktikan diri saya kalau saya memiliki 'nilai'?
Dulu, banyak yg menganggap remeh saya.
Dulu, ada yg berusaha menghancurkan hidup saya.
See, God knows the best, God is fair
Bukannya bagaimana, tapi bisa dibilang dulu saya ini bodoh. Waktu SD saya malah pernah ranking terakhir.
Waktu SMP, saya sudah termasuk rata", tapi saya berada di tengah", tidak masuk jajaran orang pintar tapi tidak masuk juga jajaran biasa. I'm totally lonely.
Sedangkan SMA, saya sudah mulai bisa berprestasi. But you know lah, teenager, gossiping, backstabbing stuff, unloyalty friend, doubtful life, almost depression, broken hearted, yadda yadda yadda....
Well, now look at me! Alhamdulillah!
it's not that i'm happy that my friend & enemy, & frenemy isn't passed the SNMPTN
ada beban mental tersendirinya lah, saat saya 'sendiri' lulus sedangakn teman" saya tidak.
But what can I say? That's what we called LIFE, right?
Ada suatu saat kita berada di titik tertinggi, & ada suatu saat kita di titik terendah kita.
Yang tidak lulus, bisa saja pilihan yang salah, atau blum saatnya, atau memang Tuhan ingin kita merasakan hal seperti itu dulu, atau malah Usaha & Do'a yang kurang.
Saya tidak bilang kalau usaha & Do'a saya sudah tinggi sekali. Tidak.
Saya juga tidak belajar 24/7, saya belajar di bimbel doang, tapi saat" terakhir SNMPTN saya rajin privat.
Do'a pun sebenarnya saya masih ada waktu di mana saya malaaaas skali sholat. Tapi saya baca Yasiin di malam sebelum pengumuman.
Selain itu, do'a & restu dari orang tua juga penting ;)
Intinya, rejeki orang itu berbeda".
Kalau tidak lulus, introspeksi diri lah.
Jangan jatuh ke dalam jurang tergelap sepanjang masa. Berusahalah kembali untuk naik.
Well, okay, you can say I'm a meanie. I'm a shocked, sad, & well, a little bit glad (I don't know exactly what the word is the best to express my feeling) when I know that people that backstabbing me first, trying to ruin my life, give me a wrong image to other people, & the most important is: Making me so low in front of them, isn't passed hehe :D
*Oops, God i hope you forgive me this time for feeling it that way ^^
Jumat, 06 Juli 2012
Alhamdulillah :)
Alhamdulillah :)
I passed the SNMPTN!! o:)
& i'm gonna be a collage girl right now!!
SUPER EXCITED!!!
I passed the SNMPTN!! o:)
& i'm gonna be a collage girl right now!!
SUPER EXCITED!!!
Kamis, 21 Juni 2012
Pertanyaan
Sekali lagi, post ini khusus buat MZA.
Tolong mi nah, jawab semua pertanyaanku. entah lewat komen atau sms terserah.
Hari ini saat saya ketik ini blog, sudah seminggu putus. Selama satu minggu ini, pernah tidak saya masuk di pikiranta'? biar semenit? (kecuali saat saya mention ki)
Waktu kita' balas mentionku pertama kali, kemarin, nda ada sekali pikiran ta' kalau bisa" saya galau mendadak? atau memang yg di situ tidak ingat sama skali mi iyya?
ah. kadang di sana bisa jahat sekali. entah buntu atau tumpul, atau memang tidak peduli perasaannya yg di sini.
Tolong dijawab nah.
Sabtu, 16 Juni 2012
I Lost the Best
This is... kinda sad post, again.
but I'll try to not to.
On Friday 21st January 2011, we were starting to dating.
On Friday 15th June 2012, we ended it.
What started on Friday, ended on Friday. Well, it kinda sad hahaha.
emm.
this post is for you.
i just wanna say Thank You, very much. & Sorry, too.
You're the best on my life, for my teenage years & for my high school memories.
May be we were just having high school love. Teenage love. I don't know.
Thank you,
for all the attention, careness, advice, and everything that you've given to me. That's too much to count. I hope you're doing great in there, being happy, just be who you are, and finally get a better girl :p
You're the one who always support me, giving me advice to live my life, who always hear my story--any kind of story. I don't know what you were thinking when I talk, but still, it means so much to me. Thank you. Thousands of Thank You doesn't enough to explain your kindness to me.
Sorry,
I'm being jerk all the time, I don't appreciate your kindness, I angry a lot, too much asking you to do what I want. Sorry, I'm not being a good girlfriend for you. makes you angry all the time, makes you sick to face me. I'm sorry.
You... are kind enough, and may be your careness are enough.
but I always want more, I never thankful for what I had until it's gone.
I just want to feel loved.
I know you're trying your best.
I'm the one who messed up all this things.
Until today, I still sort of regret what I've done.
If I don't mad, would you still with me?
if I don't asking for more attention, would you still be mine?
If I don't stubborn myself, would you still loving me?
But I know it's too late, and it's useless.
so I'm trying to live, breath normally like you do.
Be happy.
But is it normal to be sad?
Please, take care. Eat well, sleep well. I hope you success in there. even you're not with me anymore, I still support you. but please, don't be a bad boy. don't be a jerk, a playboy.
People easily loves you because you're the kindest man. You have it.
Be a good son, a good brother, a good friend.
Believe yourself, you can lead people.
But don't forget to think about yourself, you're always being kind to other but not thinking about yourself.
For the last time,
Thank You, MZA.
you're the best :)
Kamis, 19 April 2012
Muak
Muak.
Muak.
Muak.
Muak untuk hidup di sekitar orang dewasa.
Muak menjadi anak kecil yg selalu disalahkan.
Muak untuk memikirkan kalau saya bakal dewasa.
Muak dengan semuanya!
Saya tidak sabar untuk kuliah, lalu bisa hidup sendiri.
Saya mau bebas dari semuanya.
Di rumah cuma ada orang" dewasa yg egois & tidak mau dengar suaraku.
Mereka slalu bilang saya egois, saya keras kepala, saya tidak mau dengarkan mereka.
Padahal, mereka juga sama seperti saya. Saya begitu karena apa yg saya liat dari mereka.
Orang dewasa seharusnya tahu, apa yg mereka lakukan & dilihat oleh anaknya, akan terikut di anaknya.
Mereka slalu bilang "kan sudah besar, sudah bisa bedakan yg baik & yg benar."
Mereka selalu mau mengandalkan anak".
Padahal, orang dewasa saja masih bisa tidak bisa bedakan yg benar & yg salah, malah selalu menyuruh & mengharapkan anak" bisa.
Selalu saling membentak.
Selalu tidak ada yg mau mengalah.
Selalu merasa mereka lah yg paling tersakiti.
Cuma memikirkan diri sendiri.
Entah mereka sebenarnya tidak sadar atau pura" tidak sadar, semua saling menyakiti dan tersakiti.
Seandainya mereka memikirkan satu sama lain, mereka bisa hidup lebih bahagia daripada sekarang.
Nyatanya mereka mempertahankan ego mereka yg terlalu besar.
Semoga saya bisa menjadi pribadi orang dewasa yg berbeda dari mereka!
Muak.
Muak.
Muak untuk hidup di sekitar orang dewasa.
Muak menjadi anak kecil yg selalu disalahkan.
Muak untuk memikirkan kalau saya bakal dewasa.
Muak dengan semuanya!
Saya tidak sabar untuk kuliah, lalu bisa hidup sendiri.
Saya mau bebas dari semuanya.
Di rumah cuma ada orang" dewasa yg egois & tidak mau dengar suaraku.
Mereka slalu bilang saya egois, saya keras kepala, saya tidak mau dengarkan mereka.
Padahal, mereka juga sama seperti saya. Saya begitu karena apa yg saya liat dari mereka.
Orang dewasa seharusnya tahu, apa yg mereka lakukan & dilihat oleh anaknya, akan terikut di anaknya.
Mereka slalu bilang "kan sudah besar, sudah bisa bedakan yg baik & yg benar."
Mereka selalu mau mengandalkan anak".
Padahal, orang dewasa saja masih bisa tidak bisa bedakan yg benar & yg salah, malah selalu menyuruh & mengharapkan anak" bisa.
Selalu saling membentak.
Selalu tidak ada yg mau mengalah.
Selalu merasa mereka lah yg paling tersakiti.
Cuma memikirkan diri sendiri.
Entah mereka sebenarnya tidak sadar atau pura" tidak sadar, semua saling menyakiti dan tersakiti.
Seandainya mereka memikirkan satu sama lain, mereka bisa hidup lebih bahagia daripada sekarang.
Nyatanya mereka mempertahankan ego mereka yg terlalu besar.
Semoga saya bisa menjadi pribadi orang dewasa yg berbeda dari mereka!
Sabtu, 14 April 2012
That's a life
I accompany my mom.
On the morning I went to hospital, father of my mom's bestfriend is sick, he's already old, he's not awake, there's no response, he's alive because of medical tools. When my mom's bestfriend is finally arrive (she lived in Singapore) she was cried. She cried so hard, shock actually.
My mom said that it was her firsttime seeing her bestfriend crying. But luckily, she can control herself & can smile again.
I was had a bad feeling, though.
It was hard to see someone like that.
After hospital, we went to my mom's friend's house.
They had a engangement party today.
They are so happy, but stressful to arrange this party.
In the other side, people are suffering & sad.
In the other side, there are people that happy.
That's a life.
One born one die.
One get married one separated.
On the morning I went to hospital, father of my mom's bestfriend is sick, he's already old, he's not awake, there's no response, he's alive because of medical tools. When my mom's bestfriend is finally arrive (she lived in Singapore) she was cried. She cried so hard, shock actually.
My mom said that it was her firsttime seeing her bestfriend crying. But luckily, she can control herself & can smile again.
I was had a bad feeling, though.
It was hard to see someone like that.
After hospital, we went to my mom's friend's house.
They had a engangement party today.
They are so happy, but stressful to arrange this party.
In the other side, people are suffering & sad.
In the other side, there are people that happy.
That's a life.
One born one die.
One get married one separated.
Kamis, 12 April 2012
I Should Applause Myself for Not Gettin' Depression
I came from a broken family. Now I live with my mother & my grandma. My dad... He's a bastard. He's no use for everybody. Yes, in other words, I hate my father & I can't help it. I want to love him, but I have no reason.
I just remember that I have a really bad childhood memories. My parents always arguing, always fighting in front of my eyes. My dad always hit me & my mom, & my mom fight back. My dad taking drugs & smoke in front of little me. My mom has to take a hard work everyday, but my dad just waste our money. My family doesn't have our own home. We always move in to our family's home. That's ashame. That's the darkest hours ever.
My mom wants to divorce. Thank God.
My mom paid my educational for 12 years (& it's not cheap). My mom giving me a luxury life, with her own work alone.
But still, I never be normal, like any children do.
It givin' me stress, pressure, & maybe sometimes I know I get a little bit depression.
My mom wants me to be tough, strong, genius.
She forbid me to cry.
But I realize I'm such a crybaby.
I want a man that can be my role model.
My mom is take a part being my father also, so she raise me with her toughness.
I get jealous easily with other family.
They have dad that they can rely on. They have mom that they can tells their heart.
I don't.
Maybe other children that have a same condition with me will be attention-whore, bad girl, taking drugs, smoke, doesn't care with their educational, blahblahblah.
Well, maybe I'm an attention-whore.
But at least I'm not taking drugs or smoke (because my dad did that & I hate everything about my dad).
I can live normally on the outside.
But.....
Nobody knows that I crushed inside.
I feel insecure.
I feel lonely.
Forever I'm gonna be 'unnormal'
I just remember that I have a really bad childhood memories. My parents always arguing, always fighting in front of my eyes. My dad always hit me & my mom, & my mom fight back. My dad taking drugs & smoke in front of little me. My mom has to take a hard work everyday, but my dad just waste our money. My family doesn't have our own home. We always move in to our family's home. That's ashame. That's the darkest hours ever.
My mom wants to divorce. Thank God.
My mom paid my educational for 12 years (& it's not cheap). My mom giving me a luxury life, with her own work alone.
But still, I never be normal, like any children do.
It givin' me stress, pressure, & maybe sometimes I know I get a little bit depression.
My mom wants me to be tough, strong, genius.
She forbid me to cry.
But I realize I'm such a crybaby.
I want a man that can be my role model.
My mom is take a part being my father also, so she raise me with her toughness.
I get jealous easily with other family.
They have dad that they can rely on. They have mom that they can tells their heart.
I don't.
Maybe other children that have a same condition with me will be attention-whore, bad girl, taking drugs, smoke, doesn't care with their educational, blahblahblah.
Well, maybe I'm an attention-whore.
But at least I'm not taking drugs or smoke (because my dad did that & I hate everything about my dad).
I can live normally on the outside.
But.....
Nobody knows that I crushed inside.
I feel insecure.
I feel lonely.
Forever I'm gonna be 'unnormal'
Jumat, 30 Maret 2012
A Look Out
Have you ever notice your city?
Have you ever throw out your phone & look at the street when you walk or in the car?
Well, you should be!
I mean, how can you change your life if you doesn't know what is just happening around you?
How can you bring an extra & give the best to your country or your city if you doesn't know what's happening?
Why don't you try?
Okay, I look out...
I see so many billboards, posters & other bla bla blahshits of many faces of people I don't know... I bet almost entire city doesn't know who is the people on billboards too.
I know what they were trying to do: PROMOTE THEIRSELF.
It's about all of these stupid politics!
People who thirsty of publicity, throne, & the power of leading
something that turns out into money thing.
I think 80% or more of them is fake, they don't searching for leadership to be better than before, they just want to be famous & money.
Yeah dirty rats.
So how could it be, Indonesia, one of greatest country in the world, will be great as the nature itself if stupid human, with high ego, with lust, greedy, & another 7 sins, is li
ving in here?
The rich people doesn't look up for the poor people.
The one who called 'leader' doesn't see the city truly are, they thought & they said that they are the best. But the fact is they
don't. Trash everywhere, corruption everyday, rules abandoned, streets crashed.
And then you dare called yourself had an award for this?
That's absolutely a blahshits.
And then people who live, they thought they know everything, they thought that they can do better than the leader, so they demonstrate, the break all of the public facility. They have ego that so high, higher than Himalaya. They make people who doesn't come up with them live in fear in their own city.
And you dare to say you are smart enough to lead?
PEOPLE ALWAYS GIVE A BLAHSHITS.
That's the facts.
Have you ever throw out your phone & look at the street when you walk or in the car?
Well, you should be!
I mean, how can you change your life if you doesn't know what is just happening around you?
How can you bring an extra & give the best to your country or your city if you doesn't know what's happening?
Why don't you try?
Okay, I look out...
I see so many billboards, posters & other bla bla blahshits of many faces of people I don't know... I bet almost entire city doesn't know who is the people on billboards too.
I know what they were trying to do: PROMOTE THEIRSELF.
It's about all of these stupid politics!
People who thirsty of publicity, throne, & the power of leading
something that turns out into money thing.
I think 80% or more of them is fake, they don't searching for leadership to be better than before, they just want to be famous & money.
Yeah dirty rats.
So how could it be, Indonesia, one of greatest country in the world, will be great as the nature itself if stupid human, with high ego, with lust, greedy, & another 7 sins, is li
ving in here?
The rich people doesn't look up for the poor people.
The one who called 'leader' doesn't see the city truly are, they thought & they said that they are the best. But the fact is they
don't. Trash everywhere, corruption everyday, rules abandoned, streets crashed.
And then you dare called yourself had an award for this?
That's absolutely a blahshits.
And then people who live, they thought they know everything, they thought that they can do better than the leader, so they demonstrate, the break all of the public facility. They have ego that so high, higher than Himalaya. They make people who doesn't come up with them live in fear in their own city.
And you dare to say you are smart enough to lead?
PEOPLE ALWAYS GIVE A BLAHSHITS.
That's the facts.
Minggu, 25 Maret 2012
So Stupid
Argh. I'm so pissed off bcs of college students in my city >:O
They demonstrated & ruining my schedule, they make a real bad traffic jam, people are just angry with them.
Ah fark.
They really have no brains.
They said that they demonstrated bcs the price of oil is increasing, they said they did that in the name of people...
BUT GUESS WHAT??
YOU'RE ALL JUST A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!
You guys, be my pleasure to demonstrated, but please!! Don't disturb the people, the road, the everything!!!!
Whatta no brain!
They demonstrated & ruining my schedule, they make a real bad traffic jam, people are just angry with them.
Ah fark.
They really have no brains.
They said that they demonstrated bcs the price of oil is increasing, they said they did that in the name of people...
BUT GUESS WHAT??
YOU'RE ALL JUST A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!
You guys, be my pleasure to demonstrated, but please!! Don't disturb the people, the road, the everything!!!!
Whatta no brain!
Rabu, 21 Maret 2012
curhat lagi
Yahh hahaha kadang kalo baca" blog sebelum"nya jadi malu sendiri x_x it really shows that I'm still labil though, but hey, that's life & (maybe) that's natural.
Kalau ada teman"ku baca blog ku, mungkin mreka akan bingung, saya saja bingung sih sbenarnya.
Karena di dunia nyata, depan publik, aku tidak terlalu sedepresi apa yg ada dalam blog ku.
Serius !
Entah mungkin saya yg terlalu melebay"kan di dunia nyata, or I am such a good damn actress that possibly can win an Oscar LOL!
Atau.... Memang tidak ada yg perhatikan saya atau peduli sama saya ? Hahaha bisa saja.
Yahh.
The point is, I just need someone who care about me, so much! Who knows me so well.
Is that impossible? Is that wrong?
Kalau ada teman"ku baca blog ku, mungkin mreka akan bingung, saya saja bingung sih sbenarnya.
Karena di dunia nyata, depan publik, aku tidak terlalu sedepresi apa yg ada dalam blog ku.
Serius !
Entah mungkin saya yg terlalu melebay"kan di dunia nyata, or I am such a good damn actress that possibly can win an Oscar LOL!
Atau.... Memang tidak ada yg perhatikan saya atau peduli sama saya ? Hahaha bisa saja.
Yahh.
The point is, I just need someone who care about me, so much! Who knows me so well.
Is that impossible? Is that wrong?
Selasa, 20 Maret 2012
today
I went to school & Makassar really having a big storm & a pouring rain for a few days including today.
After I finished my stuff on school, I went home with taxi.
But before I searching taxi, I talked a few with him, about this worse morning.
Well, you can say that we make up, I don't know exactly are we still or not.
When I'm on taxi, the rain slows down. But the taxi didn't know where I gonna go & I late to realize that I almost missed my aunt's resident.
My taxi stops, but he didn't enter the resident. So I have to walk from the gate to my aunt's home.
But suddenly it was a pouring rain. Harder & harder for each step I made.
In a middle of my walk, I was crying.
I'm all wet, my hair really bad, my glasses doesn't clear anymore.
It was a luck actually, so my aunt didn't know that I was cry.
Here I am. Lying on the floor alone in a room after crying so hard. I supposed to change my clothes or take a bath, but I just want to cry.
I cry about all my problems, my negative thinkings, about everything.
Really. No one in here.
After I finished my stuff on school, I went home with taxi.
But before I searching taxi, I talked a few with him, about this worse morning.
Well, you can say that we make up, I don't know exactly are we still or not.
When I'm on taxi, the rain slows down. But the taxi didn't know where I gonna go & I late to realize that I almost missed my aunt's resident.
My taxi stops, but he didn't enter the resident. So I have to walk from the gate to my aunt's home.
But suddenly it was a pouring rain. Harder & harder for each step I made.
In a middle of my walk, I was crying.
I'm all wet, my hair really bad, my glasses doesn't clear anymore.
It was a luck actually, so my aunt didn't know that I was cry.
Here I am. Lying on the floor alone in a room after crying so hard. I supposed to change my clothes or take a bath, but I just want to cry.
I cry about all my problems, my negative thinkings, about everything.
Really. No one in here.
Senin, 19 Maret 2012
2NE1 - Ugly (English Translation
*I Post this because this lyrics ... I just feel that it was so like me.
[CL] I’m trying to smile brightly but
I don’t like it
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2
[BOM] I’m trying to sing but
No one is listening
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2
[DARA] Why am I this ugly
What must I do for me to be able to smile brightly like you?
[MINJI] I’m getting angry again, why can’t I ever be perfect
I simply put the blame on my ugly appearance in this broken mirror
[BOM] Don’t look at me, I hate this feeling right now
I want to hide away somewhere, I want to escape
This world is full of lies
[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
[MINJI] Don’t tell me that you can understand me so easily
My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you
[BOM] Don’t force me to talk, I’m not right for you
The cold thorns inside that patronizing gaze suffocate me
[MINJI] Don’t come closer, I don’t even want your concern
I want to leave away to somewhere, I want to shout out
This world is full of lies
[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
[DARA] All alone
I’m all alone x 2
There is no such thing as warmth
There is no one by my side
All alone
I’m all alone x 2
I’m always alone
There’s no such thing as warmth
Next to my side, there’s not even anyone to embrace me
[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be prety
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
[CL] I’m trying to smile brightly but
I don’t like it
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2
[BOM] I’m trying to sing but
No one is listening
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2
[DARA] Why am I this ugly
What must I do for me to be able to smile brightly like you?
[MINJI] I’m getting angry again, why can’t I ever be perfect
I simply put the blame on my ugly appearance in this broken mirror
[BOM] Don’t look at me, I hate this feeling right now
I want to hide away somewhere, I want to escape
This world is full of lies
[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
[MINJI] Don’t tell me that you can understand me so easily
My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you
[BOM] Don’t force me to talk, I’m not right for you
The cold thorns inside that patronizing gaze suffocate me
[MINJI] Don’t come closer, I don’t even want your concern
I want to leave away to somewhere, I want to shout out
This world is full of lies
[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
[DARA] All alone
I’m all alone x 2
There is no such thing as warmth
There is no one by my side
All alone
I’m all alone x 2
I’m always alone
There’s no such thing as warmth
Next to my side, there’s not even anyone to embrace me
[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be prety
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty
I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly
Minggu, 18 Maret 2012
I'm not strong enough
I'm 17th years old.
Supposed to be mature.
Insya allah I'm gonna graduate from High School.
My responsibility is going bigger.
The pressure doesn't stop.
But please, I'm not strong enough.
I'm still labil.
I'm still teenager.
I still need someone, who I can rely on.
I'm still childish, sometimes I can't hold my tears any longer.
I still need someone, who can hug me warmly...
If there's nobody can with me anymore, why am I still alive?
Please, if I ever made a mistake, please tell me!
I can't take the silent treatment!
Sometimes, I imagine myself suicide.
My hands full of blood, my vains are ripped, I'm holding a knife, scissor, or a piece of sharp glass.
Because sometimes, it just feel better when you're not alive if you treated like this!
I screamed, I cried, but nobody there!
I want to cried, I expected you to hug me, but you never calmed me!
You forbid me to cry, you mock me when I get weaker, you gets angry when I can't be like your expected!!
But please, I can't acted that I'm strong everyday!
If you don't need me anymore....
It will be my pleasure to leave.
Supposed to be mature.
Insya allah I'm gonna graduate from High School.
My responsibility is going bigger.
The pressure doesn't stop.
But please, I'm not strong enough.
I'm still labil.
I'm still teenager.
I still need someone, who I can rely on.
I'm still childish, sometimes I can't hold my tears any longer.
I still need someone, who can hug me warmly...
If there's nobody can with me anymore, why am I still alive?
Please, if I ever made a mistake, please tell me!
I can't take the silent treatment!
Sometimes, I imagine myself suicide.
My hands full of blood, my vains are ripped, I'm holding a knife, scissor, or a piece of sharp glass.
Because sometimes, it just feel better when you're not alive if you treated like this!
I screamed, I cried, but nobody there!
I want to cried, I expected you to hug me, but you never calmed me!
You forbid me to cry, you mock me when I get weaker, you gets angry when I can't be like your expected!!
But please, I can't acted that I'm strong everyday!
If you don't need me anymore....
It will be my pleasure to leave.
Ke mana perginya?
Tuhan,
Disaat seseorang merasa tidak dibutuhkan, ke manakah dia akan pergi?
Disaat seorang anak merasa orang tuanya tidak membutuhkan dirinya, ke manakah anak itu akan pergi?
Disaat seorang pacar merasa orang yg dicintainya & disayanginya tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?
Disaat seorang murid merasa guru"nya tidak menyukai keberadaannya & tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah murid itu akan pergi?
Disaat seorang sahabat merasa teman" & sahabatnya tidak lagi membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?
Tuhan,
Saat seseorang merasa sendiri, akankah dia mendapatkan tempat yang nyaman untuk dirinya dan menghabiskan hidupnya?
Ataukah dia akan terus berjalan sendirian?
Tuhan,
Apakah seseorang yang sedang kebingungan boleh menangis?
Ataukah menahan air matanya dan pura" tegar?
Tuhan,
Saat seseorang tidak tahu apa" lagi, bolehkah dia kembali kepada-Mu sebelum waktunya?
Ataukah Engkau juga akan membuangnya?
Tuhan,
Saat seseorang kesepian, apakah Engkau akan mengirimkan malaikat-Mu untuk menemaninya?
Ataukah Engkau akan memeluknya sebentar saja?
Ataukah Engkau akan mengirimkan seseorang untuk menghiburnya?
Ataukah Engkau akan membiarkannya saja mencari sendiri?
Tuhan,
Apakah ada seseorang yang kehidupannya tidak diharapkan?
Kalau ada, kenapa Engkau tetap memberinya kehidupan?
Tuhan,
Dengarlah doaku.
Semoga saja, saat aku sangat kesepian atau bersedih, ada seseorang yang masih membutuhkan saya...
Disaat seseorang merasa tidak dibutuhkan, ke manakah dia akan pergi?
Disaat seorang anak merasa orang tuanya tidak membutuhkan dirinya, ke manakah anak itu akan pergi?
Disaat seorang pacar merasa orang yg dicintainya & disayanginya tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?
Disaat seorang murid merasa guru"nya tidak menyukai keberadaannya & tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah murid itu akan pergi?
Disaat seorang sahabat merasa teman" & sahabatnya tidak lagi membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?
Tuhan,
Saat seseorang merasa sendiri, akankah dia mendapatkan tempat yang nyaman untuk dirinya dan menghabiskan hidupnya?
Ataukah dia akan terus berjalan sendirian?
Tuhan,
Apakah seseorang yang sedang kebingungan boleh menangis?
Ataukah menahan air matanya dan pura" tegar?
Tuhan,
Saat seseorang tidak tahu apa" lagi, bolehkah dia kembali kepada-Mu sebelum waktunya?
Ataukah Engkau juga akan membuangnya?
Tuhan,
Saat seseorang kesepian, apakah Engkau akan mengirimkan malaikat-Mu untuk menemaninya?
Ataukah Engkau akan memeluknya sebentar saja?
Ataukah Engkau akan mengirimkan seseorang untuk menghiburnya?
Ataukah Engkau akan membiarkannya saja mencari sendiri?
Tuhan,
Apakah ada seseorang yang kehidupannya tidak diharapkan?
Kalau ada, kenapa Engkau tetap memberinya kehidupan?
Tuhan,
Dengarlah doaku.
Semoga saja, saat aku sangat kesepian atau bersedih, ada seseorang yang masih membutuhkan saya...
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