I'm not strong enough

I'm 17th years old.
Supposed to be mature.
Insya allah I'm gonna graduate from High School.
My responsibility is going bigger.
The pressure doesn't stop.

But please, I'm not strong enough.
I'm still labil.
I'm still teenager.
I still need someone, who I can rely on.
I'm still childish, sometimes I can't hold my tears any longer.
I still need someone, who can hug me warmly...

If there's nobody can with me anymore, why am I still alive?

Please, if I ever made a mistake, please tell me!
I can't take the silent treatment!
Sometimes, I imagine myself suicide.
My hands full of blood, my vains are ripped, I'm holding a knife, scissor, or a piece of sharp glass.
Because sometimes, it just feel better when you're not alive if you treated like this!

I screamed, I cried, but nobody there!
I want to cried, I expected you to hug me, but you never calmed me!
You forbid me to cry, you mock me when I get weaker, you gets angry when I can't be like your expected!!
But please, I can't acted that I'm strong everyday!




If you don't need me anymore....
It will be my pleasure to leave.

Ke mana perginya?

Tuhan,
Disaat seseorang merasa tidak dibutuhkan, ke manakah dia akan pergi?

Disaat seorang anak merasa orang tuanya tidak membutuhkan dirinya, ke manakah anak itu akan pergi?

Disaat seorang pacar merasa orang yg dicintainya & disayanginya tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?

Disaat seorang murid merasa guru"nya tidak menyukai keberadaannya & tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah murid itu akan pergi?

Disaat seorang sahabat merasa teman" & sahabatnya tidak lagi membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?

Tuhan,
Saat seseorang merasa sendiri, akankah dia mendapatkan tempat yang nyaman untuk dirinya dan menghabiskan hidupnya?
Ataukah dia akan terus berjalan sendirian?

Tuhan,
Apakah seseorang yang sedang kebingungan boleh menangis?
Ataukah menahan air matanya dan pura" tegar?

Tuhan,
Saat seseorang tidak tahu apa" lagi, bolehkah dia kembali kepada-Mu sebelum waktunya?
Ataukah Engkau juga akan membuangnya?

Tuhan,
Saat seseorang kesepian, apakah Engkau akan mengirimkan malaikat-Mu untuk menemaninya?
Ataukah Engkau akan memeluknya sebentar saja?
Ataukah Engkau akan mengirimkan seseorang untuk menghiburnya?
Ataukah Engkau akan membiarkannya saja mencari sendiri?

Tuhan,
Apakah ada seseorang yang kehidupannya tidak diharapkan?
Kalau ada, kenapa Engkau tetap memberinya kehidupan?

Tuhan,
Dengarlah doaku.
Semoga saja, saat aku sangat kesepian atau bersedih, ada seseorang yang masih membutuhkan saya...

Sick

Hello blog.
Really, this blog, its like, depression blog. -__-
Yeah my life suck!!

Look at the subject, "Sick."

Maybe you can guess, I'm not sick.
I just get a heart sick or sick of life.

I just wanna cry.

I mean, this is the worst year I've ever done.

I don't know who else I can trust.

It heard pathetic but it's like I don't have any trustable friends.
I scared, & I know someday they'll stab me in the back.
it's part of humanity, hypocrite & changed.

I can't believe what just happen to me.

People, my friends, they keep a distance with me because my boyfriend..... WTF?
It's hurting me, so badly :'(
Am I so horrible? Or what? Or I being mean to them?
Or what?
Why?
Am I infected with a virus so they don't wanna near me?
Or am I wrong?
They called me childish bcs I don't get it why they wanna keep a distance to me with a reason "they want to respect my boyfriend."

Yes ! I really wanna cry now!!!

I wanna scream right now!!!!

They my friend for almost 3 years, & when I get a boyfriend, their own friend for 3 years, they don't call me their friend anymore!! They see me as "my boyfriend's girlfriend"!!!

Aah... it's like I wanna shut myself down.
Don't have any relationship with anybody anymore.
It's like I've made a mistake for 9 months.

For damn 9 months, I thought they support me. I thought they never change.

Hah, I guess people, humans, never can be trust, can't they?

orang bilang saya depresi

Another day at school.
Tidak damai tidak musuhan.

Hahaha!
Who am I kidding?!
My days just gettin' worse & worse!!
I promise myself to not cry in March but guess what?!

Another Tears again!

what happen to me, my dear God?!
Am I that weak?

Tidak bisakah saya tegar seperti dulu? Tidak nangis nangis??
Sampai sampai orang bilang saya seperti orang depresi!!
Ya Allah ...

Mana ketegaranku dulu? :(

Kenapa sekarang saya tidak bisa tahan air mataku?

Sakit! Sakit skali!




But who cares?