A Look Out

Have you ever notice your city?
Have you ever throw out your phone & look at the street when you walk or in the car?

Well, you should be!

I mean, how can you change your life if you doesn't know what is just happening around you?
How can you bring an extra & give the best to your country or your city if you doesn't know what's happening?

Why don't you try?

Okay, I look out...
I see so many billboards, posters & other bla bla blahshits of many faces of people I don't know... I bet almost entire city doesn't know who is the people on billboards too.
I know what they were trying to do: PROMOTE THEIRSELF.



It's about all of these stupid politics!
People who thirsty of publicity, throne, & the power of leading
something that turns out into money thing.
I think 80% or more of them is fake, they don't searching for leadership to be better than before, they just want to be famous & money.

Yeah dirty rats.


So how could it be, Indonesia, one of greatest country in the world, will be great as the nature itself if stupid human, with high ego, with lust, greedy, & another 7 sins, is li
ving in here?

The rich people doesn't look up for the poor people.

The one who called 'leader' doesn't see the city truly are, they thought & they said that they are the best. But the fact is they
don't. Trash everywhere, corruption everyday, rules abandoned, streets crashed.


And then you dare called yourself had an award for this?

That's absolutely a blahshits.

And then people who live, they thought they know everything, they thought that they can do better than the leader, so they demonstrate, the break all of the public facility. They have ego that so high, higher than Himalaya. They make people who doesn't come up with them live in fear in their own city.

And you dare to say you are smart enough to lead?

PEOPLE ALWAYS GIVE A BLAHSHITS.


That's the facts.

So Stupid

Argh. I'm so pissed off bcs of college students in my city >:O

They demonstrated & ruining my schedule, they make a real bad traffic jam, people are just angry with them.

Ah fark.

They really have no brains.

They said that they demonstrated bcs the price of oil is increasing, they said they did that in the name of people...

BUT GUESS WHAT??
YOU'RE ALL JUST A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!

You guys, be my pleasure to demonstrated, but please!! Don't disturb the people, the road, the everything!!!!

Whatta no brain!

curhat lagi

Yahh hahaha kadang kalo baca" blog sebelum"nya jadi malu sendiri x_x it really shows that I'm still labil though, but hey, that's life & (maybe) that's natural.

Kalau ada teman"ku baca blog ku, mungkin mreka akan bingung, saya saja bingung sih sbenarnya.

Karena di dunia nyata, depan publik, aku tidak terlalu sedepresi apa yg ada dalam blog ku.

Serius !

Entah mungkin saya yg terlalu melebay"kan di dunia nyata, or I am such a good damn actress that possibly can win an Oscar LOL!

Atau.... Memang tidak ada yg perhatikan saya atau peduli sama saya ? Hahaha bisa saja.

Yahh.
The point is, I just need someone who care about me, so much! Who knows me so well.
Is that impossible? Is that wrong?

today

I went to school & Makassar really having a big storm & a pouring rain for a few days including today.

After I finished my stuff on school, I went home with taxi.

But before I searching taxi, I talked a few with him, about this worse morning.

Well, you can say that we make up, I don't know exactly are we still or not.

When I'm on taxi, the rain slows down. But the taxi didn't know where I gonna go & I late to realize that I almost missed my aunt's resident.

My taxi stops, but he didn't enter the resident. So I have to walk from the gate to my aunt's home.

But suddenly it was a pouring rain. Harder & harder for each step I made.

In a middle of my walk, I was crying.

I'm all wet, my hair really bad, my glasses doesn't clear anymore.

It was a luck actually, so my aunt didn't know that I was cry.

Here I am. Lying on the floor alone in a room after crying so hard. I supposed to change my clothes or take a bath, but I just want to cry.

I cry about all my problems, my negative thinkings, about everything.

Really. No one in here.

Hmph. Am I too sensitive? Am I too strict?
Or my life is completely wrong? My birth is a mistake?

Ah.
I can't take it anymore.
Really.

Is there someone will help me, pull me from a black hole?
Or there's nobody for me?
Am I always ended up alone?

Ah, I'm sick of this life.

Sometimes I don't get it!!!!!!

Why people always give me a silent treatment?!?!

Are they didn't know that it hurting me so bad?!?!

Ah, jerk!

If you don't like my attitude, or something about me hurting you, just tell me! Especially if you are special to me!!!!!!!

2NE1 - Ugly (English Translation

*I Post this because this lyrics ... I just feel that it was so like me.

[CL] I’m trying to smile brightly but
I don’t like it
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2

[BOM] I’m trying to sing but
No one is listening
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2

[DARA] Why am I this ugly
What must I do for me to be able to smile brightly like you?

[MINJI] I’m getting angry again, why can’t I ever be perfect
I simply put the blame on my ugly appearance in this broken mirror

[BOM] Don’t look at me, I hate this feeling right now
I want to hide away somewhere, I want to escape
This world is full of lies

[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty

I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly

[MINJI] Don’t tell me that you can understand me so easily
My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you

[BOM] Don’t force me to talk, I’m not right for you
The cold thorns inside that patronizing gaze suffocate me

[MINJI] Don’t come closer, I don’t even want your concern
I want to leave away to somewhere, I want to shout out
This world is full of lies

[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty

I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly

[DARA] All alone
I’m all alone x 2

There is no such thing as warmth
There is no one by my side

All alone
I’m all alone x 2
I’m always alone

There’s no such thing as warmth
Next to my side, there’s not even anyone to embrace me

[CL] I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be prety
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty

I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly

I'm not strong enough

I'm 17th years old.
Supposed to be mature.
Insya allah I'm gonna graduate from High School.
My responsibility is going bigger.
The pressure doesn't stop.

But please, I'm not strong enough.
I'm still labil.
I'm still teenager.
I still need someone, who I can rely on.
I'm still childish, sometimes I can't hold my tears any longer.
I still need someone, who can hug me warmly...

If there's nobody can with me anymore, why am I still alive?

Please, if I ever made a mistake, please tell me!
I can't take the silent treatment!
Sometimes, I imagine myself suicide.
My hands full of blood, my vains are ripped, I'm holding a knife, scissor, or a piece of sharp glass.
Because sometimes, it just feel better when you're not alive if you treated like this!

I screamed, I cried, but nobody there!
I want to cried, I expected you to hug me, but you never calmed me!
You forbid me to cry, you mock me when I get weaker, you gets angry when I can't be like your expected!!
But please, I can't acted that I'm strong everyday!




If you don't need me anymore....
It will be my pleasure to leave.

Ke mana perginya?

Tuhan,
Disaat seseorang merasa tidak dibutuhkan, ke manakah dia akan pergi?

Disaat seorang anak merasa orang tuanya tidak membutuhkan dirinya, ke manakah anak itu akan pergi?

Disaat seorang pacar merasa orang yg dicintainya & disayanginya tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?

Disaat seorang murid merasa guru"nya tidak menyukai keberadaannya & tidak membutuhkannya, ke manakah murid itu akan pergi?

Disaat seorang sahabat merasa teman" & sahabatnya tidak lagi membutuhkannya, ke manakah dia akan pergi?

Tuhan,
Saat seseorang merasa sendiri, akankah dia mendapatkan tempat yang nyaman untuk dirinya dan menghabiskan hidupnya?
Ataukah dia akan terus berjalan sendirian?

Tuhan,
Apakah seseorang yang sedang kebingungan boleh menangis?
Ataukah menahan air matanya dan pura" tegar?

Tuhan,
Saat seseorang tidak tahu apa" lagi, bolehkah dia kembali kepada-Mu sebelum waktunya?
Ataukah Engkau juga akan membuangnya?

Tuhan,
Saat seseorang kesepian, apakah Engkau akan mengirimkan malaikat-Mu untuk menemaninya?
Ataukah Engkau akan memeluknya sebentar saja?
Ataukah Engkau akan mengirimkan seseorang untuk menghiburnya?
Ataukah Engkau akan membiarkannya saja mencari sendiri?

Tuhan,
Apakah ada seseorang yang kehidupannya tidak diharapkan?
Kalau ada, kenapa Engkau tetap memberinya kehidupan?

Tuhan,
Dengarlah doaku.
Semoga saja, saat aku sangat kesepian atau bersedih, ada seseorang yang masih membutuhkan saya...