Semacam Pembuktian Diri

I cannot stop saying Alhamdulillah, how grateful I am right now :)


Sekarang, bolehkah saya bilang kalau sy sudah bisa membuktikan diri saya kalau saya memiliki 'nilai'?
Dulu, banyak yg menganggap remeh saya.
Dulu, ada yg berusaha menghancurkan hidup saya.
See, God knows the best, God is fair


Bukannya bagaimana, tapi bisa dibilang dulu saya ini bodoh. Waktu SD saya malah pernah ranking terakhir.
Waktu SMP, saya sudah termasuk rata", tapi saya berada di tengah", tidak masuk jajaran orang pintar tapi tidak masuk juga jajaran biasa. I'm totally lonely.
Sedangkan SMA, saya sudah mulai bisa berprestasi. But you know lah, teenager, gossiping, backstabbing stuff, unloyalty friend, doubtful life, almost depression, broken hearted, yadda yadda yadda....

Well, now look at me! Alhamdulillah!
it's not that i'm happy that my friend & enemy, & frenemy isn't passed the SNMPTN
ada beban mental tersendirinya lah, saat saya 'sendiri' lulus sedangakn teman" saya tidak.
But what can I say? That's what we called LIFE, right?
Ada suatu saat kita berada di titik tertinggi, & ada suatu saat kita di titik terendah kita.
Yang tidak lulus, bisa saja pilihan yang salah, atau blum saatnya, atau memang Tuhan ingin kita merasakan hal seperti itu dulu, atau malah Usaha & Do'a yang kurang.

Saya tidak bilang kalau usaha & Do'a saya sudah tinggi sekali. Tidak.
Saya juga tidak belajar 24/7, saya belajar di bimbel doang, tapi saat" terakhir SNMPTN saya rajin privat.
Do'a pun sebenarnya saya masih ada waktu di mana saya malaaaas skali sholat. Tapi saya baca Yasiin di malam sebelum pengumuman.
Selain itu, do'a & restu dari orang tua juga penting ;)


Intinya, rejeki orang itu berbeda".
Kalau tidak lulus, introspeksi diri lah.
Jangan jatuh ke dalam jurang tergelap sepanjang masa. Berusahalah kembali untuk naik.





Well, okay, you can say I'm a meanie. I'm a shocked, sad, & well, a little bit glad (I don't know exactly what the word is the best to express my feeling) when I know that people that backstabbing me first, trying to ruin my life, give me a wrong image to other people, & the most important is: Making me so low in front of them, isn't passed hehe :D *Oops, God i hope you forgive me this time for feeling it that way ^^

Alhamdulillah :)

Alhamdulillah :)
I passed the SNMPTN!! o:)
& i'm gonna be a collage girl right now!!

SUPER EXCITED!!!

Pertanyaan

Sekali lagi, post ini khusus buat MZA. Tolong mi nah, jawab semua pertanyaanku. entah lewat komen atau sms terserah. Hari ini saat saya ketik ini blog, sudah seminggu putus. Selama satu minggu ini, pernah tidak saya masuk di pikiranta'? biar semenit? (kecuali saat saya mention ki) Waktu kita' balas mentionku pertama kali, kemarin, nda ada sekali pikiran ta' kalau bisa" saya galau mendadak? atau memang yg di situ tidak ingat sama skali mi iyya? ah. kadang di sana bisa jahat sekali. entah buntu atau tumpul, atau memang tidak peduli perasaannya yg di sini. Tolong dijawab nah.

I Lost the Best

This is... kinda sad post, again. but I'll try to not to. On Friday 21st January 2011, we were starting to dating. On Friday 15th June 2012, we ended it. What started on Friday, ended on Friday. Well, it kinda sad hahaha. emm. this post is for you. i just wanna say Thank You, very much. & Sorry, too. You're the best on my life, for my teenage years & for my high school memories. May be we were just having high school love. Teenage love. I don't know. Thank you, for all the attention, careness, advice, and everything that you've given to me. That's too much to count. I hope you're doing great in there, being happy, just be who you are, and finally get a better girl :p You're the one who always support me, giving me advice to live my life, who always hear my story--any kind of story. I don't know what you were thinking when I talk, but still, it means so much to me. Thank you. Thousands of Thank You doesn't enough to explain your kindness to me. Sorry, I'm being jerk all the time, I don't appreciate your kindness, I angry a lot, too much asking you to do what I want. Sorry, I'm not being a good girlfriend for you. makes you angry all the time, makes you sick to face me. I'm sorry. You... are kind enough, and may be your careness are enough. but I always want more, I never thankful for what I had until it's gone. I just want to feel loved. I know you're trying your best. I'm the one who messed up all this things. Until today, I still sort of regret what I've done. If I don't mad, would you still with me? if I don't asking for more attention, would you still be mine? If I don't stubborn myself, would you still loving me? But I know it's too late, and it's useless. so I'm trying to live, breath normally like you do. Be happy. But is it normal to be sad? Please, take care. Eat well, sleep well. I hope you success in there. even you're not with me anymore, I still support you. but please, don't be a bad boy. don't be a jerk, a playboy. People easily loves you because you're the kindest man. You have it. Be a good son, a good brother, a good friend. Believe yourself, you can lead people. But don't forget to think about yourself, you're always being kind to other but not thinking about yourself. For the last time, Thank You, MZA. you're the best :)

Muak

Muak.
Muak.
Muak.

Muak untuk hidup di sekitar orang dewasa.
Muak menjadi anak kecil yg selalu disalahkan.
Muak untuk memikirkan kalau saya bakal dewasa.

Muak dengan semuanya!

Saya tidak sabar untuk kuliah, lalu bisa hidup sendiri.
Saya mau bebas dari semuanya.
Di rumah cuma ada orang" dewasa yg egois & tidak mau dengar suaraku.
Mereka slalu bilang saya egois, saya keras kepala, saya tidak mau dengarkan mereka.

Padahal, mereka juga sama seperti saya. Saya begitu karena apa yg saya liat dari mereka.
Orang dewasa seharusnya tahu, apa yg mereka lakukan & dilihat oleh anaknya, akan terikut di anaknya.
Mereka slalu bilang "kan sudah besar, sudah bisa bedakan yg baik & yg benar."
Mereka selalu mau mengandalkan anak".
Padahal, orang dewasa saja masih bisa tidak bisa bedakan yg benar & yg salah, malah selalu menyuruh & mengharapkan anak" bisa.

Selalu saling membentak.
Selalu tidak ada yg mau mengalah.
Selalu merasa mereka lah yg paling tersakiti.
Cuma memikirkan diri sendiri.
Entah mereka sebenarnya tidak sadar atau pura" tidak sadar, semua saling menyakiti dan tersakiti.
Seandainya mereka memikirkan satu sama lain, mereka bisa hidup lebih bahagia daripada sekarang.
Nyatanya mereka mempertahankan ego mereka yg terlalu besar.

Semoga saya bisa menjadi pribadi orang dewasa yg berbeda dari mereka!

That's a life

I accompany my mom.

On the morning I went to hospital, father of my mom's bestfriend is sick, he's already old, he's not awake, there's no response, he's alive because of medical tools. When my mom's bestfriend is finally arrive (she lived in Singapore) she was cried. She cried so hard, shock actually.

My mom said that it was her firsttime seeing her bestfriend crying. But luckily, she can control herself & can smile again.

I was had a bad feeling, though.
It was hard to see someone like that.

After hospital, we went to my mom's friend's house.
They had a engangement party today.
They are so happy, but stressful to arrange this party.

In the other side, people are suffering & sad.
In the other side, there are people that happy.

That's a life.
One born one die.
One get married one separated.

I Should Applause Myself for Not Gettin' Depression

I came from a broken family. Now I live with my mother & my grandma. My dad... He's a bastard. He's no use for everybody. Yes, in other words, I hate my father & I can't help it. I want to love him, but I have no reason.

I just remember that I have a really bad childhood memories. My parents always arguing, always fighting in front of my eyes. My dad always hit me & my mom, & my mom fight back. My dad taking drugs & smoke in front of little me. My mom has to take a hard work everyday, but my dad just waste our money. My family doesn't have our own home. We always move in to our family's home. That's ashame. That's the darkest hours ever.

My mom wants to divorce. Thank God.

My mom paid my educational for 12 years (& it's not cheap). My mom giving me a luxury life, with her own work alone.

But still, I never be normal, like any children do.

It givin' me stress, pressure, & maybe sometimes I know I get a little bit depression.

My mom wants me to be tough, strong, genius.
She forbid me to cry.
But I realize I'm such a crybaby.
I want a man that can be my role model.
My mom is take a part being my father also, so she raise me with her toughness.

I get jealous easily with other family.
They have dad that they can rely on. They have mom that they can tells their heart.
I don't.

Maybe other children that have a same condition with me will be attention-whore, bad girl, taking drugs, smoke, doesn't care with their educational, blahblahblah.
Well, maybe I'm an attention-whore.
But at least I'm not taking drugs or smoke (because my dad did that & I hate everything about my dad).
I can live normally on the outside.

But.....
Nobody knows that I crushed inside.
I feel insecure.
I feel lonely.

Forever I'm gonna be 'unnormal'